This Pebble

(24th October 2006)

This Pebble;

Pure while at heart but
a tinge of brown outside.

Smooth, but for a few cracks
through which the blankness
gives way to the crystalline insides.

Cold at first, but as it's held,
grows warm to return the warmth
its given.

So soft, yet so strong.
Searching for balance in all its rolls.

Its real; but magically intangible
And incompletely percieved.

The Silver Haired Goddess

The Silver Haired Goddess

about my grandmother
19/10/06

The sun lights up her silver hair
She walks gracefully past in her fresh light sari.

She's a goddess from above.
She is her name, Saraswathi,
Wisedom in her soft wrinkles as she smiles.

She holds a book in her hand
And sits upright in the light.
Her round glasses rimmed
Her sari in flowy folds.
She is beautiful;

The Silver Haired Goddess.

Love from nature

3/4/07

Lower your lashes to the Rising Sun
As he, powerful and giving
Rides into the Sky
The cool Breeze feather touches your skin
and passes the Trees' kisses on.

Thirst

4/4/07

The clouds grow darker over her
The age old metaphor gains new meaning
A simple genuine basic thirst
Breaks her into pain
'Rain!' she cries to the Sky
'Don't just show me you have water!'

Faith and Toil

Faith and toil.

This system gives no room to be human. There is a formal way of doing everything. Asking why doesn’t feature.

One can ask any teacher who has ever taught me. Not one would disagree that I’m an honest, sincere and exceptionally hardworking student. I come to class on time, I ask questions, do all my work and sometimes even ask for more. I want to learn. And always have.

I’m proud of the fact that I’ve been consistent about the three values that are closest to me in every aspect of life.

Honesty.

Sincerity to everything I commit to.

Acting with love no matter what.

Perhaps I got diarrhea on the day of the microbiology test so that my faith and strong hold on the first two of these values will be tested. And now I do seriously wonder why I bother when it’s so much easier to bribe a doctor to claim that I nearly died on that day so they’d let me write the retest. Is that what will let a good student get the marks he/she deserves? Then may dishonesty prevail!

So much for my ‘faith’ in my values. And as for ‘toil’…ha ha ha ha!! Sorry, I can’t help laughing. I don’t think hard work pays either. I studied for the test and for this retest. I made notes like how I would’ve in school. The love for studying that wore out only at the end of my prolonged board exams had finally returned! But why?

Its not worth it. No one expects a BSc. Student to study at all. Mediocrity is ok, lack of detailed understanding; even less than my 12^th standard, is ok. (My ‘intellectual frustration’ even caused me to tell a teacher that I couldn’t be given handwriting practice as a substitute to learning, and bunk two of his classes.)

But my point is that this world is full hypocrisy. Every system is full of it. The only thing one can still, maybe, believe in is the individual’s inherent humanness. That’s what I’m calling out to.

Hey teachers! You know me! Would I bunk a test without a valid reason? Don’t you know me even that much yet? And hey controller of examinations! Firstly why do you have such a long title! And if you don’t know me cant I be ‘innocent until proven guilty’?

Why are all of you so distrustful of sincere students? Why are you all so stuck in your ‘formal world of system’? Can’t you be human?

To hell with the marks…just be fair.

For the sake of ‘faith’ and ‘toil’.

In College missing Mountains

This prison. Walls. No trees.

No where to hide

To be alone or cry.

No one to understand the lover’s yearning for the mountains

And the pain of missing my

Second home.

The touch of that book this morning,

The tone of those words,

The reassuring sense.

No one to understand

The pain,

The desperation of the caged,

To Get out and go!

Back to the beloved Mountains

With my loving family.

Or merely attend crazy

Chemistry classes.

Trapped here. Noise, too many

People. Watching. Too closely.

Cant be alone

Cant scream in frustration

Do you know how it feels

To be surrounded and filled

With Whole Free Beautiful Love?

To live in that medium-

To breathe it?

My home. The immensity of the

Mountains,

Their splendour.

It calls. I will go.

Volleyball

Volleyball

Was my class’s game.

We played it all six years

In beating heat sweating,

Or in slushy mud rain

And all free hours.

His eyes near the net would

Follow mine before I set to serve

It would give me the power

To get it over.

It was friendly. When it

Mattered I didn’t play. Just

Watch or read with Aaku,

Su, Pri, Pro, Niki, Peeni, Hemal,

Amu and Jyo squealing or

Calling in the background.

Here I am, watching the dynamic

Game in college, my new class

Playing.

Flakes

(27th Feb 2007)

The season changes
Clouds cover parts of
The sky. I lose peace.

Moisture in the wind
Falling leaves; dry and
Brittle. Wait for rain.

Some bright green leaves and,
some branches, leafless,
Flowers in some; pink,

Yellow, purple. Seeds
Float in transparent
Flakes,. Rocks melt, trees bend,

All that stood alone
Now clings desperately
To the universe.

Sore

(Feb 2007)

Do not touch me
For I am sore
Do not speak
Your voice hurts my ears
Just be here
Go
I cant live with
Or without you.

Familiar Air

(written in january 2007)

The air is familiar,
Fans on.
Summer setting in
Boards time.

Sky blue,

More clouds,
Same smell- temperature,
Humidity.

Thin layer of
Sweat.
Separation, farewell
Flowers in the Valley.

It may rain in the evenings
Wind tells me now.
I'm tuned to this part of
Earth.

I remember, as a child,
This same air
In Trichy and Mettupalayam
Heat degree varying.

City

written mid december 2006

There is no wholesome plant here
There is no learning
No passion.
Being with the dead kills me.

There aren't enough trees
Not enough shade
Dry dust and plastic.

My tears are not water enough
to give life to this
Nor my anger or frustration.

The only thing thats constant
is the blue sky above. So

I wish to be a bird that finds freedom in the blocks
I wish to be the clouds again
I wish to be the trees, my friends and the ever moving breeze.

I see machines everywhere
They never walk alone
But they are.

There is no freedom or intelligence.

I need water and sunshine,
I need leaves, insects, streams, lakes,
I need Home.

Cloud no. 3

For no specifiable reason I feel sure.
Something tells me the improbable is possible
And real.

I am not one who believes without proof
I am a scientist
Yet I'm sure.

When logic is questioned so strongly by intuition
What do i trust
And act on?