dont we really live in a lulled illusion?
dont i...rather...
i do.
she woke me up
a devastating blow to the castles i had built
idealism about the self must be the last to crash
at least the last so far
im not great
im not perfect at all
im as filthy as the rest of them
if not more...by pretense...by unaware-ness
i cause the hurt
i cause the violence
if regret and wishing to rewind and erase parts of the past are not good enough,
as i know they arent
i need to know what is
is it possible to be clean?
is it possible for me to be clean?
if not like a divine soul
clean like a hospital where ills are cured?
time to search the soul
time to attempt a cleansing
can i clean with dirty hands?
still i wont not try
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